This was another classic example of slot fiction. Would you share this information with some random customer who may (or may not) slip you a couple of dollars? Or, would you be on the phone to your significant other, telling him to get his butt over to the casino ASAP and jump on that machine?Īnother ecstatic bullet point declared, “Discover where and when the machines are going to pay off the most money!” Let’s say you’re a slot attendant, and you happen to know which machine out of a thousand is on the verge of paying out a truckload of money. The theory is that, since they’re watching the action all the time, they know which games have been sucking up money and not paying out-and if you slip them a buck or two, they might point out the one that is ready to deliver the gold. One of the silliest is that slot attendants are somehow privy to “inside information” about which machines are “due” to hit. At this point, I knew the bullet points were basically just running down the most popular slot machine myths. Now he’s bringing the “casino staff” into it. OK, wait a minute, I thought, taking my hand off my mouse. The sales copy contained a long list of bullet points, including: “Learn how to use the casino staff as your personal jackpot detectives! I’ll show you the five-minute system that will skyrocket your winnings.” A guaranteed way to clean out the slots? What could possibly be in this huckster’s kit? A crowbar, a ski mask and a good pair of running shoes?Īs it turned out, he was selling a downloadable e-book. “Discover how to make a minimum of $1,000 on the slot machines-EVERY NIGHT! Make the casino your personal money machine!” In fact, last night, I came across a website with this enticement: Some of these charlatans are targeting you-the slot machine player. And they’re not just flogging sexual performance pills, bogus stock tips and motivational tapes. Cyberspace has really opened the floodgates for a new generation of snake oil salesmen. Nowadays, when plagued with insomnia, I surf the Internet instead of channels. To learn the secrets, you had the order the kit/attend the seminar/hand over your credit card information.) And who could forget the boyish-looking Don Lapree, who preached the gospel of classified ads and 900 numbers-and how you could start building your own financial empire today. (Actually, these infomercials never “showed” you anything, except for joyous testimonials. (My favorite Vu quote: “Don’t listen to your friends! They’re losers!”)Īlso keeping me entertained during those long sleepless nights: Dave Del Dotto, who showed how ordinary couples, relaxing by their new beachfront homes in Hawaii, were pulling down an extra $30,000 a month, thanks to his real estate secrets. Then there was Matthew Lesko, the guy who jumped around in a hideous question-mark-covered suit, babbling about how to get free products and money from the federal government.īut my favorites were the wildly enthusiastic “get rich quick” entrepreneurs like Tom Vu, the Vietnamese immigrant-turned-real estate tycoon who, while surrounded by bikini-clad babes on a yacht, jabbered in broken English about his millionaire-making techniques. But it was being hawked by the Rice brothers-midget twins in suits who billed themselves as “the Country’s Most Recognized Success Experts Listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the World’s Smallest Twins.” (Now that’s saying something.) I could never understand what it was exactly, or how it would enable me to generate an extra $20,000 a month in my spare time. One time, in my sleep-deprived stupor, I was nearly convinced to phone in my order for the Cash Flow Generator. There was some truly spectacular crap being pitched on TV in the 1990s: food processors, body hair removers, spray-on hair, Chia Pets, torture racks guaranteed to give you six-pack abdominals (or your money back-but you’d better order now, because these things are selling fast!)… Prior to the advent of the Internet, when I found myself unable to sleep, I’d sit up all night watching television infomercials. Editorial Staff | Posted on Octo| There’s a sucker born every minute… and a ‘winning slot system’ for each of them by Rob Wiser
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